CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
