i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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