I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
