Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
