still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
