Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
