this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
