I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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