Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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