you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
