unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
