you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
