You're completely useless in the revolution.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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