he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize