I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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