i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We need to get me chipped asap
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
