bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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