chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
