More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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