you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she told me i tasted like america
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
