so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
