I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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