I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
