i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
