woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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