I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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