You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
