Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
