did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize