I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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