I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
