Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My liver just broke up with me...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it's like iHOP with fire
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
