i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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