Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
