Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
