You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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