Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
