There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just cropdusted the office
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
