i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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