I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
