i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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