she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
