It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
