My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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