Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
