If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
