Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
