the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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