actually, I'm a sock model
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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