"it" just moved
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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