Where did you get a picture of my penis
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
