Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
