hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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