Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
