so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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