I cannot find my penis.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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