wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
