my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
