he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
