That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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