She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
