Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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