Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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