Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
