So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
