I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
