I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No subtext here. People are naked.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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