i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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