idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize