last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
pray to the hookup gods
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
