My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
