I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
