I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
