If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
