the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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