ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
