ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
