non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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