Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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