Screwed.edu
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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