I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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