you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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